A Year Of Dance

Since I just closed out my second year of ATS, I thought I'd go ahead and do one of these!  This might be a good exercise for me, in reflecting and looking back on other dances.


1. What did you do in the past year that you had never done before?

So many things!!  I went to my first Tribal Revolution (and performed in it!), I was invited to join Cassia, the student troupe of Eastern Fire Belly Dance, I started sword classes, I started spinning... OMG so much!

2. Did you keep your belly dance new year resolution, and will you have one this year?

I didn't have a resolution for this past year.  But for Year 3 K.D. (Katrina Dancing), my resolution is to master the sword and begin to get ready for ATS General Skills.

3. Did you introduce anyone to belly dance?

I'm still working on my life partner to get him into drumming.

4. What travels did you take, and did you involve belly dance with them?

I didn't end up traveling at all. I don't have any travels lined up next year, but I hope to bring dance with me wherever I go.

5. What would you like to have this year that you lacked last year?

Money!  My job situation wasn't very stable in Year 2 K.D., but hopefully that's evened out some. I hope to have enough to not have to choose between the water bill and dance in Year 3!

6. Which date from the past year will remain etched in your memory and why?

June 25.  That was Cassia's debut on the stage of Tribal Revolution.

7. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Definitely dancing at Tribal Rev.

8. What was your biggest failure?

Being laid off twice in the span of six months.  Ouch.

9. Did you suffer illness or injury?

No, fortunately.

10. What was the best thing you bought or made for dance?

MY SWORD.  I'm still coming up with a name for her.

11. What did you get really excited about?

Sword, spinning, Tribal Rev!

12. What did you wish you'd done more of?

I wish I'd been able to take more classes at Tribal Rev and networked with my other dancers more.

13. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Lamenting my circumstances.

14. What seemed to get in the way of dance?

The cash flow issue, definitely.

15. What was your favorite music from this year?

We reclaimed Radha at one of our Belly Dance Wednesdays, and now I jam to it.

16. What did you do on your birthday?

Not a super happy birthday, and it didn't involve dance.

17. What would have made your year immeasurable more satisfying?

I really can't imagine anything. It's been a pretty good year dancewise.

18. How would you describe your belly dance style in the past year?

Strictly come ATS.

19. What were the major influences on your belly dance in the past year?

The fantastic Grace, of course, and Cassia. In my first class with them I just felt like I belonged, we have such great chemistry.

20. Best thing about being a dancer in the past year?

Getting to dance with my Cassia family. Ride or die!

Two Year Danciversary!

Two years.

Two years ago, if you told me that I'd be A) showing my midriff in public, B) dancing for them C) without jitters and D) loving every minute of it, I'd quietly call the police to have you held in a mental facility on a 5150.

That just wasn't me. I was the chick whose ass was firmly planted in her chair at weddings during Dancing Time. I was the girl who'd go to the club and "hold the table". I was the woman that called herself "too Jewish to dance". I was the girl that rolled her eyes at that "I Hope You Dance" song. Okay, that last bit, I still do. Tooooo schmaltzy.

What changed in me, two years ago?

I have met several amazing women that belly dance for fun, for fitness, for performing, for work... Gorgeous women with bright spirits and calm confidence in their bodies. So, one day I decided, what the hell, give it a shot, if I hate it, we need never speak of this again.

So I signed up for what I call "those three awkward Egyptian cabaret lessons".

This is not an ATS dancer hating on Egyptian, by any means. I think Egyptian cabaret is a gorgeous style, suitable for so many bodies and moods and dance stories.  I'm not even hating on the studio or the teacher... the studio is doing a lot of work to elevate belly dance as an art form, and the teacher clearly loved her dance and her work.  It just didn't mesh well with me, and that was what made things awkward.

It was a lot of stuff thrown into a small period of time, a choreography, veil work, the basic moves, and a warmup and cooldown. Throw in a featureless dance room (big long room with dance floors and mirrors) and both instructors using mics, and my crappy hearing just couldn't catch everything.  There was a lot of sound bouncing around the room, which made it hard for me to understand, and mics make it hard to lipread. So there's poor me, with no idea what is going on in class, and I just didn't end up enjoying myself. 

But I still wanted to learn.

So, I searched out other classes when that session was over, and found Eastern Fire. I liked Grace and her teaching style, which was much slower and broke things down a lot more, and the mechanics of the studio made it easy to understand her. So, I figured I'd keep going.

About nine months after that, I had my dance debut. About nine months after THAT, I was asked to join Cassia, and then we were selected to perform at Tribal Revolution.

There were so many points along the way that I couldn't believe I passed... I thought I'd never be able to master the taxim, or the dreaded 3/4 shimmy, or the body wave. I thought I'd never be able to zill and would have to fake it. I thought I'd never perform, and I'd certainly never bare my midriff in public. I thought I'd never be a member of the student troupe, and I didn't even imagine being a part of the larger dance community.  I was just too uncoordinated, fat, pasty, ugly, and weird to want to share this.

What the hell was I thinking? I'm beautiful.

Officially Kind Of A Big Deal

It's been announced!  Cassia is officially performing at Tribal Revolution! I'M SO EXCITED and scared BUT EXCITED fucking terrified GONNA BE AWESOME oh god oh god 20% COOLER twelve percent worse SHUT UP AMAZING!

We're dancing to a beautiful version of the Game of Thrones theme, four cellos and some kind of drum backing it. All about formation changes and looking like a bunch of Dothraki special forces and slaying all the dragons!

We've also had three performances this March, and I think there was one in February that I can't recall.  The first was at a random bridal expo as a favor to one of Grace's friends. The "stage" we were to dance upon was the size of three postage stamps, and right at eye level with us was a bigass chandeliery sconce. But we made it through a ten minute set without falling off the stage, breaking anything, or getting caught in the fucking sconce! And then we got to have cake samples.

Second performance was at the Martini Room in Elgin.  There were screwups, sure, but all in all we had a great performance, and I ended up in a few pictures that I simply adore. I look beautiful, elegant, happy, and free. I will totally be posting them soon. I was also majorly pissed off during the entire performance, so the fact that it didn't wind up on my face was a huge bonus.

Third performance was another Belly Dance Wednesday. There was a major snafu in the middle of it, but we recovered and nobody died, and then most of my sisters went out onto the floor during All Tribes and rocked it. I declined this time due to just having eaten... didn't want to barf on someone while Tamarind (yeah, they were back, and amazing) were making me spin. But we had a lovely time in all.

Now we have to buckle down and study up on our choreo. Scaaaaarrryyyy!

Cassia, here I come!

About a week ago, I mentioned to the fabulous Grace that I was interested in joining Cassia somewhere down the line (which is the dance troupe of Eastern Fire Belly Dance), and if she could recommend additional homework I could do pursuant to evolving more as a dancer.

I expected some links or video recommendations.

I ended up being invited to officially join.

And I haven't stopped queening out since.

I should be a little more nervous, since Grace is hoping to score a spot at Tribal Revolution, performing in front of professionals and super big super huge serious belly dancers. I have only been dancing for a year and a half... I should be a lot more scared, especially since so many of these girls have been dancing together for so long. But... I have been welcomed with open arms into their ranks, and I am going to honor the gift they gave me.

What Is Old Is New Again

It's funny to think that just six months ago, my class (myself firmly included) was all freaked out about our debut.

We planned and plotted, marked out exactly what we wanted to do, and we succeeded. Nobody passed out, dropped a zill, ran away, or quit. But we did pretty much know what all we were going to do to get from Point A to Point B to Point C to the point where we could leave. And it worked... we put on what I think is a solid performance (even though I fell off my heels and you can toooootally see it in the video.)

We're set to dance again, in about four weeks, and there has been none of this planning happening. Grace worked out a cool pass for trio, and we're going to do that, but beyond... it's basically "Okay, so the goal is to get X and Y to happen so Z can follow and then done. "Whatever, Grace, throw on Bay City Shimmy and we'll make it happen."

I have no idea what I'm going to be doing. And I'm not even worried about it.  We also have another dancer-only hafla coming up in a week, which will be fine too, because it's just a bunch of other ATS dancers getting together and doing a bunch of improv until our shimmies fall out. I'm even less concerned about that (more antsy because I have some jewelry pieces that were supposed to have arrived this week), because as long as I am a minimum level of socially acceptable, it will be fine. I just have to be nice to my other dancers and lead like a boss and follow like a soldier and it will be fine.

The reason I bring this up is because there are dancers in classes behind us that are making their debut! That is so very exciting and lovely... I volunteered to lead for them in case my other dance sisters couldn't make it to Belly Dance Wednesdays, because having gone through it myself, I know exactly how it feels when you're about to put something you've nurtured and worked at and prepared on display, for everyone to see and judge and LOOK AT. Staggering. Nerve-wracking. Exhilarating. Exciting.

Did I mention I'm also a high anxiety person?

But between the performances, and the practices, and just getting more comfortable in my own skin, suddenly I feel that anxiety beginning to slip. I'm not there to be dramatic, I'm there to help the baby dancers get up to toddler, and to grow myself to a child dancer. Belly dance is making me fearless.

Dancer Chow

One of my great passions besides dance is food. I love food. Food is my favorite. I like meats, poultry, veggies, fish, breads, grains, fruits... I'll try anything once, and I'm probably inclined to like it. I love to cook, I love to eat, I love to research recipes, I love nutrition and food science... if I could have a cooking show right now, I would.

Here are some of my favorite tips to keeping your food healthy and delicious at the same time, to make sure you get the right nutrition to keep your dance engine humming along!

1)  Creamy recipe?  Use Greek Yogurt!

Replace cream, milk, sour cream, half-and-half, or anything similar with Greek Yogurt.  It's delicious, nutritious, and probiotic.

2)  Ditch the sugar, embrace the honey!

Honey comes in so many delightful varieties... orange honey is a great way to add Vitamin C when using it to replace sugar. Clover honey is like kissing an elf.  Sourwood honey is a great replacement for syrup and butter on pancakes. And just plain honey pairs well with anything... try it in your coffee. I'm serious.  Honey is also a natural antibiotic, so slather it freely on any of your dance blisters or sword-balancing stab wounds. It also has a better Glycemic Index rating than sugar, preventing the dreaded "sugar rush" and "sugar crash", and you tend to use less honey because it's sweeter than table sugar.

3)  Add your own salt!

I buy no- or low-sodium canned vegetables and stocks.  This isn't because Salt is Evil... it's necessary to support life! Also, it makes food delicious!  What I don't like is sneaky salt. I'd rather salt my own recipes to the appropriate level instead of dumping salt on top of more salt.

3)  Put down the frying pan!

Okay, I love fried, crispy, greasy anything. If it's fried, it's awesome. Especially if it's fried in butter... But there are many other ways to get delicious crispy texture while keeping fried food at a minimum.  Saute vegetables in cooking spray, or roll meat in breadcrumbs and bake it.  Roast your vegetables in the broiler or over an open flame, if you have it.

4)  Healthy does NOT mean bland!

Just because something is good for you doesn't mean it has to have a weak flavor.  Add spices, herbs, vinegar, even a dash of alcohol (red wine + literally anything = mmmmm...) to create a rich flavor. In my house, we go through garlic and lemon juice the same way some people go through bread and milk.

5)  Cook to WIN

Yes, you can win at cooking.  Make big batches of whatever you're making, so you have leftovers for another day, or just to bring to work for lunch.  Set yourself up for success so you can keep dancing.

6)  Weight, what?

Don't worry about the number on the scale! There are dancers of all shapes and sizes at all levels in all styles. Some of these tips might help you lose weight, if that's your goal, but the most important thing is to take care of and honor the body you're in. Dancers need fuel, and they need the best fuel they can get to keep it going during practices, drills, warm ups, and performances. The one and only Grace always tells us to dance in the body we are in, and that's wonderful advice... to work on improving, but not to kill yourself trying to imitate someone else. All of these food tips are merely to make the body you have, own, and move as efficient and well-fueled as it can be.

All Tribes Wednesdays! (With an aside on performance anxiety)

Now that summer is over, my awesome teacher Grace has reinstituted Belly Dance Wednesdays at one of the bellydancers' new favorite haunts, Coop's Den. We didn't have a specific performance to start with, but I was determined to at least dance in the chorus and back up the other dancers.

For those not in the know, All Tribes is how my teacher has defined an ATS performance as it was originally intended, pure improv, dancers with the same vocabulary getting together and rocking it folkloric style.  All of the ATS dancers in the area are invited, and anyone can go up during that set to join formation and groove. So there were plenty of dancers I'd never danced with before, and plenty of dancers I hadn't even met.

Of course, at one point the floor clears and nobody goes up, so one of my dance sisters from EFBD heads up there.  In ATS, one of the strong principles is that a dancer is never alone. We have to have our dance sisters' backs. So, in the spirit of participating, I headed up to take the floor with her, because we're always there for each other.

I have to be honest, I was not intending on even dancing that night, and it still happened. Oy vey. But, I was all gussied up, hair done, skirt on, makeup working, and I had a feeling later that if I hadn't danced, I would have regretted it, and I don't want any regrets when it comes to dancing.  But let me tell you... I WAS SO NERVOUS I THOUGHT I'D PEE MY PANTALOONS.

As I headed up into formation, I felt my knees begin to tremble, and my elbows got all wibbly, and I'm sure I looked like I was going to be shot.  And then I realized how funny it was, that I was looking fine as hell in my fancy jewels and freshly colored hair, my new favorite lipstick on, and a look of sheer glazed terror on my face. And then it came to my turn to lead and I went, "oh fuck."

So I went with about eight eight-counts of easy as fuck stuff (Arabic, Arabic Hip Twist, Arabic Hip Twist With Flourish, Egyptian, Egyptian Half-turn/Full-turn combo) and got the hell out of leadership just in time for the song to end.  We hit Level 3 not too long ago, but I'm still getting over my anxiety about performing where people I'm not used to can see.

There are a lot of anxieties I'm working through, through dance and through life in general. I'm kind of a brash, out-there weirdo in real life, and I work in retail management, so I'm totally comfortable just waltzing up to strangers and striking up a conversation. But in a performance context, my fight-or-flight kicks in majorly, and I get really freaked out and shaky. They say that a fear of public speaking/performance anxiety/etc. is at its base a fear of rejection from the community, and that rings true for me... I really crave reassurance afterwards (most of the time, this is directed entirely at my life partner and sous chef), and even if I have eight amazing classes in a row where I feel like I'm getting things and I'm told how awesome I did at X move, I still feel like I know nothing and I'm going to embarrass myself with my lack of coordination.

For example, I can Turkish Shimmy Quarter Turn Fade like a BOSS. I cue it all the time in class, I follow it either way with no problem, I can get out of it, it's amazing and wondrous and TSQTF and I are BFFs. I talk to TSQTF on the phone on my way to work, we get our nails done together... I love it.  But the second that people that I'm not used to dancing with are looking at me, I completely forget about TSQTF. My BFF disappears from my mind and I just... cannot.

However, although I was metaphorically shitting the bed with nervousness, I take Wednesday night as a huge win. There was a time, believe it or not, that I wouldn't have gone out at all. "Oh, no, it's cool, I'm fine just hanging around in my full costume and not doing anything. You go out there. Be young, have fun, drink Pepsi. My foot hurts so I can't dance." I was exhilarated with the fact that, though I may not have danced as beautifully as some, I did dance. Fear takes time to work through, and perhaps a little piece of it was shaken off with my shimmy.

DEBUT!

Edit:  THE VIDEO!

My dance sisters and I had our debut last night, and it went AWESOME.

Awesome, of course, is a word which means "Nobody died, nobody dropped a zill, nobody got lost, nobody ditched."  My man was all compliments... he said I looked great (I felt okay about it), I looked really comfortable, I danced really well, and "no, honey, you didn't swear. I would have heard you." I got a little shaky in the middle, but at least I didn't show it on the face. And by the time the last part of the music hit, I was comfortable enough to actually have fun.

It didn't hurt that he was RIGHT THERE in front of me and grinning the whole time. It's easy to smile and loosen up a little in front of the person that tends you when you're ill.

Anyway.  One of the things I like about Belly Dance Tuesdays in Bolingbrook is that there is such a range of dancers. There are ATS tribes, Tribal Fusion troupes, and Egyptian Cabaret soloists.  Also, the group of dancers we had last night was particularly diverse... dancers of all ethnicities, shapes, sizes, ages, all coming together to watch and perform (and get a little tipsy). White dancers, black dancers, Asian dancers, Latino dancers, Christian dancers, Jewish dancers (mazel tov!), Muslim dancers, dancers in their twenties, dancers in their sixties, tiny dancers, voluptuous dancers, dancers with round bellies and narrow hips, dancers with flat bellies and big hips, tall dancers, short dancers, all kinds of dancers! One of the best acts (in my opinion) was Mahira... not only was she zilling while holding a veil (and she accompanied the live drummers at the end with her zills, WOW), she worked the crowd and got everyone fired up. Stage presence... she has it.

The night was not without its snags... some of the food took awhile to get out, for the spectators, and there was one dancer whose ADD-riddled backside lost her zills. Yep, I have no idea where they are. They might be in the house somewhere, they might have sprouted legs and gotten the heck outta Dodge. I don't know. Fortunately, my dance sister Melissa tossed me her spares and got me out of the fire. Phew! I don't know what I would have done if she hadn't thought ahead. Probably just went up there and pretended I had zills on or something, I'm good at that.

All in all, a good time was had by most, there was drinking and dancing and carousing and "Holy shit, Katrina, you have a ton of makeup on!" "I KNOW I'm a hot tranny mess!" I'm so glad I did it. I can't wait for the next one.

Performing tomorrow!

Eeek!  What did I get myself into?

I'm SO FREAKING EXCITED AND TERRIFIED!

I haven't yet started to prep yet... well, I do have most of my costume separated from the rest of the clothes and hung up (instead of on the floor!  Adulting, yay!), and I'm going to find my zills soon (meh, maybe ten minutes before I have to leave, who cares). I've run the music a couple times, and I'm feeling kind of okay.

Let's see how this goes on the Day Of.

Anyway... here's something more substantial than just "Yay, performing tomorrow! Oh noes!"  One of the things I have always struggled with is looking stupid.  I am not a stupid woman. I am very comfortable in my identity as a Smart Person. I am well-read, well-educated, and I have a lot to say on a variety of topics. I can do fractions. I can speak languages other than my native tongue. I understand Science.

But I hate hate hate hate looking stupid. Not knowing where to go, who to speak to, what to say, or how to begin. I once ducked out of a store because I accidentally addressed a customer as an associate, and I was too embarrassed to keep shopping. I avoid social situations where I don't know how things will go. I didn't dance.

Fortunately, because of my Meetup group experience (explicitly for nerds, by nerds, welcoming to any and all Awkward Turtles as long as they don't remind us why we Can't Have Nice Things), I am far more comfortable with admitting that there are Things that I Need To Be Told, and it may be mildly awkward to tell me, I am much happier dealing with 5 awkward points for having to be told, versus 67 awkward points for Fucking It Up in the moment.  After a long discussion with our dear Grace, here are the things you (may) need to be told!

1) There will be a Dancer's Call at any and all haflas, events, etc. It might not even be an explicit Thing, but the time you may need to arrive could well be different than the time that the event will start. It doesn't matter if the event starts at 8 and you're not going on until 9:30, if the master of ceremonies (dance sisters/etc) wants you there at 7:30, your happy ass better be there at 7:30 or you might not be asked back.

2)  If you are dancing, wear a cover-up. Something. Anything. Try to make it look nice, i.e. a scarf, veil, fancy robe, Ghawazee coat, etc. No matter how lovely, it will look Awkward As Hell to stop dancing and put on a pink angora cardigan with mother-of-pearl buttons, especially when you're in full tribal kit. Or a Bears jersey. You cover up before and after your performance. Grace mentioned that having street clothes or removing portions of one's costume after a performance is de rigeur, but I'm not going to be the one that codifies this as fact.

3)  If there is alcohol at the event, it would probably be embarrassing or annoying to the other dancers for you to get pissed before (or even after) your performance. Same with any other drugs save for prescriptions. If you need to get baked, some venues may frown on that.

4)  Zaghareeting, yipping, and hissing are all ways to show your appreciation. For those of us in the non-bellydance community, applauding politely is always welcome.

5) Along with #1, arrive 75% done, if not completely done. That is, costume on, makeup done, hair done, accessories on, cover on... all of it. You may not have a place to do your hair. You may not have a place to dress, or a mirror to put your face on.

6)  This is one that even my awkward ass doesn't need to be told... Don't be a diva, a bitch, a stage parent, or a Wacko Meanie. Be nice, say hi, smile, compliment others' performances. If you have to say something nasty, do it in your car by yourself. Until then, greet and talk to other dancers. You never know... you might make a friend, find a new mentor, get inspired for a costume idea, or at least have a good story to tell over your next craft circle meeting.

I'm sure there will be more as I perform more, but that's a good place to start!

A Pleasing Contour

T-minus 4 days.

Our last run-through went really well.  At first, I thought my class was just going to be in the chorus, zilling and looking appreciatively towards the student troupe. Then, it expanded to two minutes of slow choreography, which then went to two-and-a-half. I'm down with that... we've been running our song for the last few weeks, feeling kind of awesome, smiling and performing (and trying not to watch the damn mirror for cues!), and learning a few new tricks to make our performance at least 20% cooler.

Of course, the three of us in Grace's Thursday class are nerds, and what do nerds do when we're nervous and about to do something new?  We ask questions! Lots of questions, from "What should we wear?" to "how is it going to go?" to "when in the music are we supposed to head up and do the Ghawazee shimmy with the rest of the girls?" Fortunately, Grace is cool with questions (see the post I wrote about my boobs, ferchrissake) and was totally down to answer them all.

I feel good. I'm nervous, of course, but I've made sure that I've loaded the audience with at least a few friendly faces, and I'm pretty sure I remember everything I want to do.

There is one more issue I've got, though, and it has to do with photographs.  I hate being photographed, and it's not because I don't think I'm pretty/hot/etc.  It has to do with the fact that no matter what weight I am at, from a narrow little size 4 (at 14, mind you, but still) to a curvy and fabulous 16, I have this awkward double-chin. I've got a small chin structurally, and there's this little fat pad that's always been there. It bugs me enough to want plastic surgery on it, but affording that is going to take a looooong time.  Nosirree, Bob, I'm not going to be able to get a vacuum to suck out my double-chin.

So, inspired by the inimitable Princess Farhana, I experimented with contouring.  I looked in my Bag O' Makeup Fun, and found a lovely Smashbox cream eyeliner of some kind.  Probably came from a Sephora goody bag. It's dark enough that it doesn't just look dirty, and it blends nicely.  I actually tried it on this evening, and once I figured out where to put the contour, WOW. I even took a picture, and it looks like I have a CHIN!

Washing it off is going to be a nightmare, but at least I'm not worried about sticking my chin up in the air, a la high school color guard competitions, so nobody accidentally snaps me with a pelican pouch.

My Boogie Shoes!

Barefoot dancing is great. It's all about being connected to the earth, being in full contact with the dance surface, using the natural strength in your feet to manage turns, power shimmies, and create your lines.

Not for me!

The second-most-fucked-up parts of my body are my feet (you don't want to know what the first is). My mother used to have a saying... "Italian shoes do not agree with my German feet!" I inherited her width, but I also got my father's inverted arches, and I have my own problems with callouses.  YAY! Couple that with plantar fasciitis and a propensity towards plantar's warts, and there will be no dancing barefoot for me. Bad, bad plan.

I am stupidly jealous of ballerinas in their pointe shoes. I know for a fact that the feet IN those shoes are fucked, but the shoes make their feet look so elegant and delicate. The same cannot be said for me, sadly. I dance in a pair of Leo's jazz sandals. They are... not cute. In fact, they look downright geriatric.

Fortunately, I dance ATS. As our dear Grace says, "You're wearing two skirts and a pair of pantaloons. Nobody's going to be looking at your feet."  Thank goodness, because the friggin' sandals make my feet look like duck flippers. Long, wide, and really dorky.

However, as aesthetically challenged as these poor shoes are, GODDAMN do they work great for me! The heel keeps me elevated off of my crappy arches, but not so much that exacerbates the plantar fasc. The elastic gore stretches to accommodate the wideness. Even the little elastic tab connecting sole to heel has a purpose for me... it hits me in the exact spot where the adductor muscle bulges out, so it gets to chill out in open air and not be constricted.

(For those of you who are wondering what the last bit means... basically, where most people have the arch of their foot, my feet are completely flush to the ground. I make bigass footprints. And the part where you all have arches? My muscle bulges outward. I've told them that feet don't go like that. They haven't listened.)

I wish I could reliably wear a pair of shoes that felt great and looked fierce, but I've always had to choose between style and substance. I'm finally at a point in my life that substance is starting to feel a fuckton better than style, and as long as nobody can see them, I'm not embarrassed to wear grandma jazz shoes instead of a pair of bedazzled foot panties. And so long as they make yoga socks, nobody else has to see them either.

The Path Begins (baby belly dancer)

I'm Katrina, and I dance American Tribal Style belly dance, as begun by Carolena Nericcio and FatChanceBellyDance. My home studio is Eastern Fire Belly Dance, my teacher is Grace Tucker, and I've been dancing, zilling, and enjoying almost every minute of this style for about seven months now.

I started with a little Egyptian Cabaret style belly dance, and by a little, I mean three weeks.  And by three weeks, I mean three classes. It didn't really connect with me, to be honest... the shoulder shimmy felt wrong, the head slide didn't really make any sense to me... the bit of veil work I learned was cool, but I wasn't about to be all "you ladies shake it up front, I'm gonna play with my fabric over here!" So, I decided to poke around a bit, and I figured I'd try some other classes, see what happened, and what happened was I found Grace, and EFBD, and went, "This... this is more doable."

I love the moves, I love how they look when performed properly. I love the costuming, I love the group improvisation, I love sharing the leadership of the circle, and I love the fact that we can have a frank and open conversation about bodies and frustrations and what if I can't, what if it won't, and feel heard and acknowledged, but encouraged to keep on. The three-quarter shimmy was damn hard for me. I have issues with the lower half of me (hip flexors that disagree with me, plantar fasciitis, flat feet, among other things), and it took me two or three months of drilling, of trying, of not quite being able to get there in class but sometimes starting up a shimmy at home, until I'm much more reliable. My hips aren't perfect, of course, but they're getting better all the time. Zilling was a bit scary, but as I drill at home (I use folk music to get my fingers moving, Daft Punk and the Sex Pistols when I'm feeling like a masochist, and songs from the South Park movie's soundtrack when I'm frustrated and need a laugh), I'm getting more comfortable.   I'm at the point where I'm no longer a terrified newbie (I don't think, Grace might disagree). I no longer feel like the mirror at the studio will eat me if I'm leading, and I feel comfortable enough in the vocabulary I've learned so far to tell when I think something is weird.  I'm also relatively close to a dance debut.

I'm also a lot more comfortable in my own skin, with my own body, and out in the wild as well. When I first started, I was a Non-Dancer.  Dancing would happen, and I'd be all, "Cool. I'm going to chill out over here, you guys shake your booties." Now, I found myself dancing wildly at a New Years' party, though I might have been a bit on the inebriated side. Before, I wore the baggiest effing thing I could to dance class. Now, I buy cheap crop tops so I can see what I'm doing. My belly used to be gross and flabby and undesirable... I used to have hideous backfat, and my hips were bulgy, and my ass was big. Now I know that most people get backfat in certain clothes, because that's how they sit, and they push things down. My belly can do some cool stuff, my shimmies fly even when I'm halfassing (derp!), and my ass is still big, but I'm much less likely to fall into a toilet.

I haven't conquered every bit of negative body image, of course... you couldn't pay me to put on a bikini (well, you never could. Even when I was fourteen and a tiny little thing, no dice). And I'm sorry, but I couldn't wear a traditional Egyptian Cabaret outfit either... I'm cool with a spangly bra, a sequined panel skirt and a belt, but put a bigass floofy tiered skirt under those panels, and can I get a Turkish vest so I can hide a real bra, please? Oh, and my eczema is flaring on my legs, so on go the pantaloons!  w00t!

(For reference, I'm an hourglass, big butt and plenty of boobs on broad shoulders, narrow in the waist. Buying jeans is a nightmare. Buying costumes is ridiculously easy.)

I'm nervous about a debut. I'm nervous about putting myself out there, in front of friends, family, and strangers, and maybe doing something awkward or embarrassing. (Ex. "Oh, shit, our portion is only two minutes long. I'm leading and we've been doing the taksim for, like, a minute thirty... um... you can turn the taksim, right?? RIGHT???) You live and you learn, though, as long as you have fun doing it.